I’m Not a Very “Good Yogi”

I’m not a very ‘good yogi’.

(And here I use both ‘good’ and ‘yogi’ pretty damn liberally.)

For instance…

I’m a little too attached to worldly possessions – I’ve lost two pairs of Prada sunglasses in the last two months and their loss has effected me deeply. If you’ve seen them, for Gods’ sakes PLEASE return at least ONE of them…

I have a helluva temper, and though I only stopped punching holes in walls because I’m also phenomenally lazy (and patching them proved to be a pain the ass), I still lose my shit regularly.

My face wears a perpetual frown like Michael Scott’s or The Rock’s – the result of scowling too much.

“That’s just how my face looks.” I often say.

“Well it looks like you think I’m an ass.” People sometimes say.

I promise, it’s unconscious…well, maybe sub-conscious – you, might after all, also be being an ass at the same time I’m making that face.

I like about 3 people, my dog Gonzo, diving, and drinking beer and smoking weed. And nothing else…(say it in a Ron Swanson voice and it’ll be more endearing…also, why is it funny when he hates everyone but off-putting when I do?)

I eat too much (rarely vegetables)…I drink too much (mostly whiskey)…And workout too seldom (as in rarely).

I’m horny all the time…like all the time. Even if I meditate all the time.

That’s not entirely true (see I’m also a liar…but, so are you, if you’re being honest)…

This one time at Vipassana (read with an American Pie voice)…after like a hundred hours of meditation I disconnected from truth and lies and desire and meat pies…but that was from meditating all the time.

Took me about three days to turn back down that path.

“I’d rather laugh with the sinners than cry with the saints,” as William Joel once sung, “Cause the sinners are much more fun.”

Oh, if only the good would die young!

I spend most days trying to attain some measure of self-forgiveness, and until I get there I could give a shit about anybody else.

All told, I’m actually a pretty damn ‘bad yogi’…

Except for the fact that there’s no such thing as a ‘good yogi’, yogis.

There’s only hard working yogis…Each and every one of us doing our very damned best to make something great outta’ what we got.

Incidentally there’s also cheat on you yogis, try and steal your business ideas from you yogis, screw you over yogis, and every other damn kind of yogi you care to think of.

Even a Justin Kaliszewski Yogi…

But, hey that’s just how I’m feelin’ today…so before we go and do something drastic, check in with yourself (and maybe me) – next time we see the sun it’s likely to be totally different…

The other day I saw a fortune-teller…she told me to, “spend more time channeling as a writer”. I said, “get out of my head, witch!” Visit me at www.justinkaliszewski.com or come take my class at Outlaw Yoga Littleton – “Colorado’s BEST Yoga Studio”.